One Liners

A restroom is a great memory aid. My neighbors know I remember the golden rule of silence I hope. Where did the 1976 group Boston practice? in OR!

What's good about being late to your own funeral or health care visit? You save so much on legal costs by thinking outside the box! The box has AM FM with real feel!

But grand opera is when the lady answers only after listening to her life on hold, horns VISA, and her shield!

"As Seen on DVR, Victoria The Legend Lives On!" She stretches so good in her leotards!

The laser lawn tractor costs 10,000, is street legal. It cuts silently with a steam beam, makes grass grow, which allows more excuse to use this often up the lane to wow sweet Betsy...

If you can't narrow your search, widen it! Act As Save As If! Outsmart the Outbox Devil..One marked, Get Rich Fast, Get Rich Slow, you are 21 in Reno!

Why smoke in the MRI? If you're fired with ambition.... tours record deals, fans!

If you're a musician, your brain lights up just for your instrument not relatives of Einsteen, just practice, no that was the neighbors brain lighting up, in need of rest!

A good trick for musicians; I tie my instrument in my restroom so my neighbors never hear.
To stop crank callers signal ring, is where you tell mom  or the boss to call hang up and call back a time or two, The crank is caller number 27!

Or just leave a comedy track on your machine, if you always want to be a star, play more guitar songs, and someone may hear you and sign you up.

If like Up Up and away, Why Not up Up Up and away, New and Improved! More residuals!

Galileo was starting out by alternating his speeches with Aristotle and mideval physics, then he added his own speeches, 50% and then more. Out With the New in With the Old!


What's great about the web? More solutions than problems!

Edison predicted the web in the 1900's.  If he could see us now what would he think? He'd say Wow! I sure am smart! I'm Edison! I'm not dead!-and I'm alive too!

What's a sofa to automatically pour your beer? A Beercliner!
I'm not fat. Underneath this hat is my office! And under my sweater is a Yoga Reflexology Track suit!

Yoga is good when you read widely. Your brain is exercised by great sites!

It's easy to hire an authoress. Her resume is all real!

To a health professional lamaz is a labor of love!

Wouldn't it be great if war was cancelled because of a blue blue ocean of love. Wave powered luxury ocean liners!

"General Comics and Ocean One Liners!"

What's wild? Marms in commercials, I saw one who says we have 30 more shushes to eat out at her restuarant!

..No wonder we could use more math! All over the world there's global warming, and what are we guarding against? Raisins in the box out of reach! (They've solved this with a one way valve for your hand into the box.) Thank goodness for WVA.

They have a new tooth rinse I saw in the commercial, high speed. It's refreshing like floss when you yell for the RN and already she's sweet and suite on you!

And now it's 15 seconds on the tube, by the hour you wake up with anasthesia, you've saved labor day!

There was another fistfight today in the rich field of lawnmower racing, how will they punch out a lawn dunno.

How to always be fit...try to increase your pleasure in giant jugs of condensed milk!

They found what may be 8 more earthlike worlds this month, to me, ours will always be right up there with mozzeralla.

I was hoping to invent an inflation washing machine with a tube filled with air shakes around from the top, where you add your stuff in. To implode, our machine is filled with perpetual motion.

When the Electrolux has a crash, first the inward implosion then outward radiance!

If I asked my mom's hat size for a present, I told her I'm sorry not if I'm not perfect, even as amazin as I am!

If a boat was in a South Seas island, what kind of boat is this? A remoter boat!

To give the dog a bath, he spins around and zooms out clean!

Poet emeritus, doesn't rhyme, so poetess emeritus always must!

  They have a remote control for dogs, connected to a collar, and vibrations to train, left, sit, up stay, stop button if the dog has the remote, and translation like to read the FM in 27 arfin languages!

How do they spell in OHIO? Round on the sides and Hi on the Shores of Lake Superior!!

My mom had a pink finmobile when was a kid and it started to roll down the hill of the lot when we bought groceries one day by the store. I said, " Mom, let's get some exercise before we eat!" She ran and stopped it before it got away. And the kids never forget about this. If she hadn't caught the car I'm shure she would have!

The Hostess company went bankrupt this week, couldn't they just use the Muffins Defence?

Like musical inventions, sports inventions are not guaranteed to catch on and sell, even so hope springs eternal here in tv computer land, here are some recent sports inventions that may win the Olympics for inventors;

Baseball bat sound synth; the maker of the word famous Louisville Slugger bat sez though they make both lots of wood and aluminum bats, the aluminum bats make a wimpy sound when they hit one in the outfield so a module has been devised that fits inside the bat with a recording of a wood bat highly shock resistant that plays at the moment of impact, also plays answering machine jingles and the Price Is Right. (This has nothing to do with the arena, and the sound whirl, shboom, shboom and the national anthem and the arena wave But I've seen the Price is Right so often I had it mesmerized.).


Football Shoes that have gyroscopes inside to make it so you always kick the football just where you want! Also with GPS for christians to dance away from temptation!

Football Return Machine. Has a slope to always roll and return the football to the coach. Or use the roof of a house. The roof of a dog house if you have a pit bull, the roof of a cat house if you live in OR. Or if it's in the branches of a bush wait for earthquakes in Reno or shape her up in the coinwash with a hula hoop for celebration!

Virtual Indoor Golf. A ritzy hybrid of putt putt and computerized shots you hit indoors to a net but the picture inside your cyber headset seems real enough. The only problem is if the owner's wife hits 50 aces, even so she'll win WW II. And dying of lightning a blast of the past. Great weather 24/7. Coming soon, lawnmower Putt Putt so the windmill rises to higher altitude than here. What golf course does well without flowers, cheese, and ye old CMT!

 Ren Tin Ten was a higher up than Lassie. Rin was a war dog rescued in WWI. He went on the be MGM's top star in the business for the 1st 10 years, and could he act! All he had to do was act naturalwoof! He was rescued and got real reel to reel!

Have you heard of solar powered light? Great! A solar powered heater! At night it reverses to an airconditioner! They have heaters in prisons for comfort, no wind ups, Just so the heater has a siren and lights on top!

Reader's Digest reports that some prisons are being converted to restaurants, after like in 1973 when Alcatraz was opened to visitors. Others like E.State Prison in Philadelphia and Boston's Beacon Hill have converted to businesses like Hotels. Just so they pay the parole at the cash register!

They now have brain controlled movies you watch by ECG's to change the plotline. Brain controlled? They'll never have this for Television. Often no brains are involved!